Your Spouse Uses Physical Force Against You: What to Do and How to Protect Yourself

Your Spouse Uses Physical Force Against You: What to Do and How to Protect Yourself

Your Spouse Uses Physical Force Against You: What to Do and How to Protect Yourself

Experiencing physical violence from a spouse is one of the most terrifying and traumatic events someone can endure. If your spouse is physically abusive, it’s crucial to know that you are not alone, and you have the right to protect yourself. No one deserves to live in fear of violence, and there are legal protections and resources to help you escape the situation and rebuild your life.

In this post, we’ll discuss the steps you should take immediately to protect yourself, how the law can intervene, and how to access resources for your safety, mental health, and legal rights.


Step 1: Ensure Your Immediate Safety

The most important thing is your immediate safety. If you are in danger, get to a safe place as quickly as possible. Here are steps to consider:

  • Call 911 immediately if you're in immediate danger or if your spouse is physically threatening you or the children.
  • Go to a safe location: This may be a friend’s or family member’s house, a neighbor’s home, or a public place like a store.
  • Take your children and pets with you if they are also at risk.
  • Leave the home if possible, even if your spouse is still in the house. Your safety comes first.

If you don’t have a place to go, consider contacting a domestic violence shelter or hotline for immediate support and safe housing.


Step 2: Document the Abuse

If you’ve been physically harmed, it’s essential to document the abuse in as much detail as possible. This documentation can be crucial in legal proceedings and can help you in your case for protection orders, custody arrangements, or divorce.

  • Take photos of any injuries, bruises, cuts, or marks. Keep a record of the date and time of each photo.
  • Write down a detailed account of each abusive incident, including the date, time, location, and nature of the violence. Note if there were any witnesses.
  • Save any text messages, emails, or social media posts where your spouse may have threatened you or admitted to the abuse.
  • Visit a doctor or a hospital: Even if you don't feel like the injuries are serious, it's important to get checked out. Medical records can serve as evidence of the abuse.

If you don’t feel safe documenting it yourself, consider asking a trusted friend or family member to help you gather this evidence discreetly.


Step 3: Reach Out to a Domestic Violence Hotline or Shelter

It can be difficult to know where to turn in a crisis, but there are many organizations that specialize in supporting victims of domestic violence.

  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). You can also text START to 88788 for help.
  • Local shelters can offer emergency housing, legal support, and assistance in developing a safety plan.
  • Many shelters also provide counseling services to help you process what has happened and offer a safe, supportive environment to heal.

Many shelters allow you to stay with your children and pets, making it easier to leave without worrying about their safety.


Step 4: Obtain a Protection or Restraining Order

If your spouse has used physical force or threatened to do so again, you have the right to seek a protection order (sometimes called a restraining order). This legal order will prohibit your spouse from contacting you, entering your home, or approaching you within a certain distance.

The process typically involves:

  • Filing a petition for a protection order at your local court.
  • Attending a hearing where you present evidence of the abuse (medical records, photos, witness statements, police reports).
  • If granted, the court will issue a temporary order of protection immediately, which will last until your next court hearing.
  • At the final hearing, the judge may issue a long-term protection order (often up to a year) or modify it based on the circumstances.

A protection order can:

  • Grant you exclusive use of the family home (if applicable)
  • Award temporary custody of your children
  • Prevent your spouse from possessing firearms
  • Force your spouse to attend counseling or anger management programs

Make sure to carry a copy of the protection order with you at all times. If your spouse violates the order, contact the police immediately.


Step 5: Consider Legal Separation or Divorce

If you’ve decided to end the relationship, legal separation or divorce might be the next steps to protect yourself financially and emotionally.

  • Legal Separation: This is an option for those who are not ready for divorce but need to live separately for safety reasons. It allows for the division of assets, child custody, and support arrangements.
  • Divorce: If you're ready to legally end the marriage, divorce proceedings can address issues such as asset division, spousal support, and custody.

In cases of domestic violence, you may also request an emergency custody order for your children, especially if you believe your spouse may harm them or if they have been exposed to the violence.


Step 6: Establish a Safety Plan

Even after leaving an abusive situation, you must take steps to stay safe. A safety plan is a strategy to protect yourself and your children in case your spouse attempts to contact you or violates a protection order.

Elements of a safety plan include:

  • Changing locks and phone numbers
  • Screening calls or blocking your spouse’s number
  • Arranging a code word with trusted friends or family to alert them if you’re in danger
  • Creating a go-bag with essentials like IDs, money, clothes, and important documents
  • Coordinating with a local shelter or law enforcement for an emergency escape route


Step 7: Seek Financial Support

Divorce and separation often come with significant financial strain. Fortunately, there are resources to help victims of domestic violence get the financial assistance they need.

  • Emergency financial assistance from shelters, legal aid organizations, or victim advocacy groups can help with housing, food, and transportation.
  • If you are the primary earner, the court may order temporary spousal support (alimony) while the divorce is in progress.
  • You may also be entitled to government benefits, such as food assistance, healthcare, and public housing.

If you are worried about your financial future, consult a financial advisor who specializes in divorce or victim assistance.


Step 8: Protect Your Mental and Emotional Health

Living through domestic violence takes a significant toll on your mental health, and it’s crucial to seek help for emotional healing.

  • Therapy and counseling can help you process your emotions, rebuild your self-esteem, and heal from the trauma of abuse.
  • Support groups for domestic violence survivors can connect you with others who have gone through similar experiences.
  • Self-care is essential: whether through journaling, mindfulness, exercise, or hobbies, make sure to take care of your mind and body.


Step 9: Start Rebuilding Your Life

Leaving an abusive spouse is just the beginning of the healing process. Rebuilding your life involves finding independence, security, and peace again.

  • Seek out job training, education, or other career resources to help you gain financial independence.
  • Start new social connections and find a support network that empowers and encourages you.
  • Reclaim your sense of self by focusing on your goals, interests, and passions.

Remember, you are not defined by your past. With time, support, and determination, you can rebuild your life and move toward a future of safety and happiness.


Final Thoughts

No one deserves to live in fear of physical violence—especially from a spouse. If you are facing domestic violence, it’s critical to take immediate action to protect yourself, your children, and your future.

There are legal tools available, such as protection orders and divorce, as well as support systems in place, from shelters to counseling. By taking the necessary steps, you can remove yourself from the cycle of violence and begin a new chapter of safety, healing, and empowerment.


Don’t Be Afraid To Get Help

If you’re facing legal questions, safety concerns, or emotional turmoil due to any of the situations described above—especially domestic abuse—don’t try to handle it alone. Professional guidance can make all the difference in ensuring your rights are protected and your next steps are clear. Whether you need legal advice, help with documentation, or assistance navigating local resources, speaking to an expert can bring peace of mind. Click here to get connected with professional support tailored to your situation.

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